About Sex

You don't have to have sex if you don't want to.

Maybe that seems obvious, but some people act like it's not true--like sex is just something you need to do, like eating your vegetables or filing your taxes, but supposedly more fun.

If you're having sex less than six times a month, rest assured that you're not alone. There's this article (Times) that talks about how the Millennial generation is having less frequent sex and will probably end up with fewer sex partners compared to previous generations. Then there's this other article (The Guardian) about how just about everyone is having less sex these days, compared to 10 or 20 years ago.

Now, the tone and purpose of that second article is just kind of baffling. It opens up with the idea that sex is a recreational activity and has decreased in prevalence because people have better things to do. Then it talks about how people often find sex to be stressful and unpleasant. Then it tries to convince you to go out and force yourself to have sex, even if you aren't in a relationship, because... no reason. I reread the article looking for any mentions of upsides of sex, and there weren't any. Not even some BS stat about oxytocin or anything. The author apparently thinks sex is inherently awesome and just assumes that everyone else agrees.

It's like some weird religious belief. (Or maybe it just feels like that to me because it reminds me of how some people will try to reference the Christian Bible to convince you of something, without first checking whether you're even a Christian.) This article isn't the only place I've seen this attitude. Even the counselor I went to kept getting hung up on my allegedly unconventional sex life, even though I was paying her ridiculous sums of money for help on my executive function problems and I repeatedly informed her that I'm quite happy with the lack of sex I'm having.

None of this is intended to dissuade you from having sex if you actually want to. By all means, go out and have as much sex as you want, with other consenting individuals. Use protection. But if you're asexual, or you're too busy, or you're having a dry spell, or you only want to have sex in a committed relationship, or you haven't found anyone who's your type, or if you like sex slightly less than that new video game you're playing... that's okay too! There's nothing wrong with not having sex.

I know most people want to have more sex than I do, since I'm ace, but I'm pretty sure that even among folks who experience sexual attraction, most people aren't sex-crazed lunatics who never ever have anything better to do.

As for why people in general are having less sex these days, that first article mentioned that people are really busy and also that they're less inclined to risky behavior than past generations, and I agree that those things are probably factors. I also have some additional baseless hypotheses about why people might be having less sex:

Sex is less mysterious than it used to be. In the past, if you had any curiosity or cognitive interest in sex, your only option for satisfaction was to go have sex. Nowadays, that's not necessary. You can read informative books or Internet pages, you can watch porn videos, you can read erotic fiction... Heck, if you have the radio in your car on a Top 40 station, you'll probably spend your whole commute to work hearing mostly songs with sex-related lyrics. Advertisements are full of sex implications. Sex is everywhere. Sex isn't inherently cool anymore.

(Personally, I think sex is really interesting, but actually having sex tends to be a much bigger hassle and less fulfilling than any of the other sex-related activities I could be doing.)

Easier access to masturbation aids. There is no longer any need to treat your fellow humans like walking masturbation aids. You can easily buy a vibrator or other device in a local shop in your town, or online. The Internet is overflowing with free porn. If your main motivation for sex is either relaxation or libido relief, you can easily take care of it yourself.

We are more empowered about sex. This is like the first time in recorded history that people have the option of not having sex if they don't want to! In many past generations, the only way to avoid sex was to have your entire life revolve around celibacy by becoming a nun or something. The Bible says spouses have a duty to have sex with each other, and it seems like a lot of non-Christian areas had similar ideas. Did you know that it was completely legal for a man to rape his wife in some parts of the USA as recently as 1993? Ridiculous.

But it's now 2015! Feel free to go around having ONLY as much as sex as you want!